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25/08/17 - Friendship groups

25/08/17 - Female, 14 :

Hello I'm 14 years old and just have some problems with friends and friendship groups. It's not that any of my friends did anything wrong,it was honestly all my fault. When I first came to school, i had no friends and was quite lonely but after sometime i met new people and joined a friendship group that i still am very grateful towards as they accepted me and was so nice to me and gave me opportunities to boost my confidence. But after sometime, i got a bit tired of them cause they were sometimes too apologetic and stuff that it didn't seem like we could get much closer to each other. I had secrets but didn't share most with them and sometimes when I wanted to talk to them, they were always busy and to connect with them online was harder than my tests. But I didn't want to leave them because I knew they were deeply attached to me and i could see how they reacted when another person left our group. But just a few months ago, there were some transfer students in our school and one of my other friends out of my friendship group was selected to take care of one transfer student and i took that chance saying that i had to help her look after him and i hung around with my friend's friendship group at lunch and break. But when the transfer students left, i had no more excuses to not be with them anymore but I just continued staying with the other group hoping that something would come along it's way. But after a few weeks i heard from my friend's sister that two from my old friendship group cried cause i left. I felt really bad after hearing it that i returned for a few days but then we got our holidays... I wanted to think it over while i'm resting and come up with a solution but it's really hard, cause now i'm attched to this group and they're attched to me. While i don't want to make either of them sad I realise if i'm gonna return, the group i'm in now would be sad, if i don't my old group would be. I know it's confusing but at least if you give some adivice it would be helpful... thanks.

Ali says -

Itís good to know that after finding school tricky to start with that you have now got friends and do not feel so lonely. Friendships at secondary school can be complicated and difficult and from your message it is clear that you are torn between what you would like to do and what you think you should do. Only you can decide what you are going to do, often we know what we want to do but doing it is difficult, taking time to think about it properly is a mature and sensible thing to do and it is good to know that you take other peoplesí feelings seriously. However, you also need to think about your own feelings and what you would like to do.

It seems from your message that you do not feel it is possible to be friends with both sets of groups but you may find that when you get back to school that things will resolve themselves naturally, if they do not is there an adult that you trust that you can talk it over with in more detail? There are people you can talk to online such as Kooth or if you feel unable to talk to someone you know you can talk to ChildLine on 0800 11 11.

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