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28/01/2019 - Help to address my anger

28/01/19 - Male, 16 :

I am messaging concerning problems with anger management. There have been instances where my girlfriend and I have argued and I have grabbed her and it has physically hurt her and left bruises. I want to work on how I can stop myself from getting to that point of anger and not hurting her.


Ali says -

Hi there

Firstly well done for recognising a need to look at your behaviour.  It is not acceptable to use physical force and hurt another person during an argument or at any other time.  Your behaviour would be classified as relationship abuse and you could be arrested and charged for such behaviour.  However it is really positive that you are aware of it and want to do something positive to stop.

It might be worth thinking about where your anger is directed. Does you get angry all the time or is it just directed at your girlfriend?  You sound is if you might benefit from support that can be offered by domestic violence charities and services but also perhaps counselling.

Respect are an organisation who offer anonymous advice and support to anyone who in concerned they might be abusing a partner.   A team of skilled professionals offer advice, information and support to domestic violence perpetrators (someone who is angry, violent or abusive towards their partner) via a helpline and email service.  You can call Respect on 0808 802 4040 or find out more information about them here

You can also find out more about relationship abuse and support services by following this link here on Youthoria.

In Cambridgeshire the County Council support an on line counselling service for young people called Kooth.  This service is safe, free and anonymous and might be an option you want to explore.  Young people log on and create an account, you can then wait on line for an initial assessment (first conversation) with a counsellor.  This might take an hour or so but once you have had the assessment you then agree a regular time that suits you to speak on line with your own counsellor.  They do not have a waiting list and could provide you with this service very quickly.  To access the Kooth website go to

Alternatively you can get in touch with youth charity Centre 33 who have a drop in service in Ely where you can arrange to speak to someone face to face to explore if counselling would help to explore your anger management

Good luck and well done for taking the first step

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